Institutionalised Alcoholism

I saw in the English expat magazine recently an advert for a teacher recruitment website. It listed the features and benefits they offered, and showed a picture of a large group of westerners who may or may not have been recruited through the site, in a bar, downing shots.

Now, in my opinion that's a bit wrong. You wouldn't advertise any other job with a picture of your current employees getting trashed. It's not professional. It's certainly true, though, that a lot of teachers view their year in Korea as a paid jolly, seeing nothing wrong in spending unconscionable amounts of time and money on hedonistic pursuits.

Now, like most people, I enjoy a few drinks - but not during the week, at least not excessively. I know of teachers who've rolled in in the morning, unshowered, wearing clothes from the night before, having had little or no sleep, smelling of soju. I can't fathom how this can be done: teaching dozens of screaming under sixes with a hangover? No thanks. I've done it before, in previous jobs, jobs where I can sit behind a checkout or answer phones for eight hours, jobs where I don't have to use my brain, but not when I'm working with kids - it's not fair to them, or to their parents who've paid hundreds of thousands of won to send their kids to our hagwon.

And it reflects badly on other teachers. And I had to get that off my chest.

Last Video

A video that shows why Jasmine's so adorable.

I have no idea why she's laughing.

Goodbye Cambridge 1

Having been given our new, savagely mangled and extended schedule for the next four months, lectured on how our school is going to shit and it's nobody's fault but ours, and braced ourselves for the mess that will be the first day of the new school year tomorrow, we, we being all the teachers, both Korean and foreign, are feeling a bit deflated. One Korean teacher even quit. With immediate effect. (That means more sub classes for the rest of us. Mmmmmmmm.)

More on that though once it's up and running, or at least up and floundering. Now is a time for reflection on the last eight months. My sadly disbanded homeroom class, Cambridge 1, have all been sent off to elementary school. Most, as I said, are coming back for afternoon classes as of tomorrow, but I won't get to teach them. Bastard Chris teacher will, and he's not displaying the relevant emotions, namely those akin to finding an oasis in a desert of piss: relief and tempered joy. 

When I first arrived here I wasn't their biggest fans. They were loud and uncontrollable, they spoke far too much Korean, and they didn't seem to take to me either. Gradually, though, as we progressed through the neverendingly repetitive Wake Up series of English books, preceded by a daily phonics lesson, I fell in love with them. Here's a tribute.

Eunice

Eunice, loud, bossy, uncompromising, was the early leader of the class as far as I could see. She had been placed, wrongly, in the more advanced MIT class but moved down to Cambridge when she couldn't cope. At first I thought she was a bit bored with the work, but as time progressed realised she was just lazy, and a lot of her potential wasn't reached because she failed to put in anywhere near enough effort. Her tests may have needed improvement, but when she wrote 'I love you teacher' on every page, how can you hate her? While her spelling and writing remained on a low improvement arc, her speaking ability, already pretty good, was getting ever better, and... 

Most memorable moment: When I found out we were going to perform a play for graduation, there was only one lead. Eunice, as the mean Princess Miserella, a role that could've been written for her, was awesome. It's a shame she's quit ECC outright now, she'll never be back.

Nathan

Nathan was quiet and a bit dim last summer; now, he's a bit less dim and a bit more of a troublemaker. He's a troublemaker in that he actively looks to start fights with anyone close to him - it's not a mischievous thing, I think he likes causing controversy. It started to become a real problem around the beginning of the year, and I really began to dislike the kid. To give him credit though, after some repetitive but stern words from me and the manager he sorted it out. Plus I've never seen anybody so happy to receive a Christmas present - as you can see from the picture, it was a god damn triangle.

Most memorable moment: Trying to work out the answer to 8 plus 5. The video to which is here.

Eric

Eric was the smartest kid in the class and he undoubtedly needed to be learning at a higher level, but did he ever know it. Often suffering from big fish in a small pond syndrome, (if that's a thing, it might be) he was regularly dismissive of his classmates' abilities while striving to show his own relative superior knowledge at every given opportunity, which meant everyone else ended up resenting and ostracising him. It was only through the resurgence of another student (see below) that he ended up showing more humility and, later, having more fun. Still, an excellent student to have in the class for obvious reasons, also on Valentines' day he gave me some soap. And I mean good soap.

Most memorable moment: Setting me Korean homework off his own back, then giving me a sticker when I got eveything right.

Paulie

Paulie began life under my tenure as a rowdy, sulky, spoilt bitch. He's good friends with Jack and together they wrought havoc on my early lessons. Paulie was the brains of the operation, if not in his grades, his ability to sense an opportunity to create mischief was inspired. Even his name - initially just Paul but suffixed with an -ie in line with his Korean surname, Lee, to differentiate from the Paul in Cambridge 2 - conjures up images of Italian American gangsters. Paulie's misbehaviour, though, was refined. He was able to mastermind great crimes, such as calling the teacher 'poo poo gas' or stealing Nathan's eraser, with sincere affection. Paulie was probably the second most affectionate student in the class, playful and constantly declarative of his love for his students and teachers. He endeared himself to me equally with his affection and his already well developed sense of cunning. He's damn photogenic too.

Most memorable moment: When, through his silver tongue and powers of persuasion, he managed to take 70% of all the big, famous 'soccer player stickers' I had sent from England from other kids throughout the kindergarten.

Jack

The other half of the Paulie and Jack crime duo, Jack was less affectionate and more thuggish, the brawn to Paulie's brains, but still, he had his moments. After my last lesson, totally out of character, I received a crumpled piece of A4 paper, upon which was scrawled: To Michael Teacher. I like you. So, I like you. From Jack. Jack's feelings are usually kept under wraps, so this was a nice surprise. He was sporadic in his classwork: at times he really couldn't be bothered, at others he'd come from nowhere to win the spelling game (where points are awarded for letters) with words like "fishbowls" or "playgrounds." His final exam marks weren't the best, though, so I hope he can cope with the step up to elementary school. He's there with Paulie, so he will at least have a partner in crime.

Most memorable moment: Bit of a crude one, but memorable. One day in October he shat himself. He carried himself quite well afterwards.

Heather

Heather left ECC just before Christmas to go to America, though she came back for the graduation last weekend. Heather was a great student: smart, loveable, friendly, but quiet and hardworking. Around November, Heather was involved in a bit of a love triangle, or possibly square or pentagon. Paulie and Jack were both became a bit besotted with her. Eric had always been friends with her as she'd been one of the smarter ones in the group and Eric could relate, but those nascent kindergarten feelings of love both seemed to hit Paulie and Jack at once, and soon they were falling over themselves to offer her erasers, pencils, their hand in marriage. Eric, the fouth corner of the square, then became a bit jealous and turned his envy towards the two boys in the forms of intellectual superiority. Paulie and Jack responded with primal insults and it got a bit dirty. The pentagon... or even pyramid, I suppose, is formed by Jasmine, who at some point declared her love for everybody. Strangely, though, when Heather left, everybody stated coldly that she meant nothing to them and they hated her. Still, there were emotional hugs all round when she came back at graduation. Fickle kids.

Most memorable moment: Paulie and Jack devoting themselves to her on her last day, Heather blithely lapping up the attention.

Sarah

Sarah, I think it's fair to say was the weakest student in the class. Over the course of the eight months I taught her, there were only minimal improvements in speaking, reading and writing, whereas everybody else made middling to astounding gains. In spite of this, though, in our open lesson, where the parents came to watch me teach them about a subject we'd practiced for a month and the point was to memorise and enunciate clearly your section of the lesson script in the right order, she was exemplary. Despite underwhelming in rehearsals, she did brilliantly in the class play too. She tried hard most of the time, but you could tell things went over her head a lot of the time, and with kids like Eric in the class, I couldn't help her as much as she needed without disadvantaging the others. I'll miss her though, especially since she inexplicably quit with one week of lessons to go, and I wasn't able to say goodbye.

Most memorable moment: Revelling in rare praise after on open day I singled her out as the star performer, and showered her with stickers and candy.

 

Jasmine

So we come to the gem of a student that every teacher dreams of: Jasmine is very clever, funny, interesting, adorable, well behaved and affectionate to the point of stalkerish. She's unique and I will unabashedly admit that she's my favourite student by a mile. When I arrived at ECC in July, she was very quiet and spent most of the lessons in a world of her own or half asleep, her head on the desk, not participating in the lesson. This lethargy and apparent slow-wittedness (as mentioned on here before, she was once stabbed in the face with a pencil and didn't flinch) led the foreign teachers to facetiously speculate that she was perpetually high. After the first couple of months, though, she started to come out of her shell. I started teaching them phonics and Jasmine was suddenly putting her hand up in class. Her spelling improved no end. She'd come out with priceless one-liners or tangential anecdotes about her dreams, or tangerines. She told everybody on a ten-minutely basis how much she loved them, swooning all the while. When Heather left in December she stepped up and assumed the position of dominant female and set about catching up Eric. By the time of the final exams, she was top of the Cambridge class academically, even beating half the students in the class that had been learning English for two years. I still say that Eric's the smarter kid, but grades-wise Jas was just pipping him. 

Most memorable moment: So many, but number one was when she came in one day and told me about her boyfriend from tae kwon do class. "He kissed me... on the lips!" (giggle) (swoon) "And then here.. and here.. and all over. Mmmmm." Bear in mind she was born in 2002. Don't be alarmed though, I'm pretty sure that's all that's happened. She's referred to Paulie as her boyfriend since, and as mentioned above, declared love for everybody, including me. She lists her dream occupation as mother. She's going to break some hearts, that one.

Bye, you adorable little bastards!

Cheating

In one of the classes I teach, or technically, used to teach, we did a book that had the answers printed in the back. These two pictures show what was always inevitable...

Graduation

It's the end of the school year right now, so the 7 year old kids will be leaving us and starting school from March. This means they graduate. Graduate from kindergarten. It is pretty weird to see kids who in real ages are only six wearing mortarboards and gowns - they do appear much older than usual, as I associate the image of the graduate with somebody in their twenties.

Aside from that it wasn't as odd as my own university graduation. We've been practising for the last month a play that the kids performed for their parents before they received their diplomas. My homeroom Cambridge class did a piece of drama called Sleeping Ugly, a bastardisation of Sleeping Beauty where the princess is a bitch and the prince falls for the 'not so beautiful' normal girl. I chose the play for the sole reason of casting Eunice in the mean princess role, and she was awesome, she blew them away. She has a future on the stage that one. Despite the rehearsals being at times chaotic the play went down OK. Eunice even slipped over at the start but recovered remarkably well. Plus, though I only saw the one play the general consensus is that they did better than the other class of seven year old students, so in your face Cambridge 2!

So, they graduated last Saturday and we've had the last week of study. The majority, though, will be coming back for afternoon classes in March. Of the graduation kids I've been teaching my guys in Cambridge 1 fifteen times a week, and the other classes either daily or thrice weekly so yeah, I'm going to miss them, a lot. Tributes and endless albums of photos to come...

My guys receive their diplomas... so proud

Sarah, on the left, decided to quit ECC after graduation... with one week left.

Sarah again

Left to right: Jack and Paulie (Fairies), Eunice (Princess Misarella), Eric (the Handsome Prince), Jasmine (Jane), Sarah and Nathan (Narrators)

Jasmine, playing herself, becomes friends with the prince

Dylan the goat from Cambridge 2 class

Noah the goat, was however the cutest thing I've ever seen

Lunar New Year

Today is Lunar New Year. You may have heard on the news about Chinese New Year. Same thing, essentially. It's the most important Korean holiday of the year, it's like Christmas around here. My neighbourhood is pretty deserted and all the shops are closed - all bar McDonalds, Starbucks and Domino's, and all the 24 hour conveni-stores. Consequently today I've had a cheeseburger, a pizza, some hot chocolate and some beer. Oddly, however, fruit vendors are out en masse. I also have some tangerines for later.

It's nice to have a four day weekend but it was our intention to do something, to go somewhere. We tried to book a room at a ski resort but underestimated the amount of Koreans who were planning the same thing much much earlier than us. Ah well, another time.

In other news, there are only three days left of the intensive schedules, which is great. I'm looking forward to getting my three hour lunches back. I'll miss the classes I've taught this month, especially 14 year old one-to-one Tom. He means I'm in school from 9am til 7.30pm on Tuesday and Thursday as his class isn't until 6.45, but he's great. His knowledge of English football is awesome, and he tries hard to get through the book we do as quickly as possible so we can get onto the real reason he's there - to talk football. I can even forgive the fact that he's a Man U fan - with Park Ji-Sung it makes sense.

That's it. Happy Seollal, readers.

Halfway

More than that.

I've completed six months and a week and a half of this year-long thing, so here are some brief thoughts.

Being at home seems a distant memory, but the first few weeks in Korea seem aeons ago. When I reminisce about those humid, exciting times, so much has changed. It's certainly become chillier (-8 yesterday in Hongdae.) I'm feeling pretty good about my ability to make kids learn stuff and still have fun and that, a far cry from when I was being observed. Kids are still quitting but I'm confident that's not about me. Everyone's kids are quitting. The three guys I work with are cool, and have certainly made the living in another country thing easy as hell. 

Though I've hardly mastered the Korean language, or even learnt basic phrases, I possess the very, very barest essentials. I can say the following:

• Hello
  
• Goodbye
  
• Yes
  
• No
  
• Thankyou
  
• Tuna kimbap please
  
• One, two, three, five.. maybe seven
  
• Hundred
  
• Thousand
  
• How much?
  
• Shut up
• Merry Christmas
  
• and shovel
  

I have, however, become an expert in internationally-understood gesticulations, so who needs words?

This blog, too, conceived as a means of letting people back home know what I'm doing conveniently and with pictures, has had visitors from every continent, from Peru to Malaysia to Reunion island to Kazakhstan. So hi you lot.

I'm going to bed.

Birthday

Like racehorses, Koreans get one year older on New Year's Day. So although I had my birthday on Wednesday, I've been 24 for a week and a half.

Midweek, my birthday passed without much fanfare and without any alcohol, because firstly I'm a professional and secondly, I know the drawbacks of teaching rowdy kids with a hangover. Weekend will probably contain a certain amount of decadence. I kept it from the kids too, though it was leaked to one class, a class I've only been teaching for a week on the new intensive* schedule. The next day, one girl presented me bar of chocolate with this brilliant message attatched.

It says "To Michael Teacher. Hello I'm Sarah. Happy birthday to you. When you teach me I am so happy. Whey you come ECC first I don't know your name but you teach me and I know your name. From Sarah." (I resisted the urge to correct her grammar with my big red pen.)

The next day, today, having finished off what was left of my birthday cake (which had a tomato on it and was consumed with chopsticks), I went to work with the last of my birthday out of my system, not expecting to have to deal with any more of it. But Will, second from the left, evidently not wanting to be outdone in the impressing Michael Teacher stakes, had brought a whole carrier bag full of sweets for a party during our lesson. What your see above is nearing the end of our saturnalia of sugar. That was fun. Though I wasn't too sure about the chocolate-covered sunflower seeds.

*Winter intensives started at the end of December. I probably wrote about summer intensives some time in summer, so go and look for that. The winter intensive schedule is a bitch - I'm in school from 9-7.30 two days a week, and only have one 40 minute break on the other three. But, as you'll have noted, I'm teaching some good kids, and the days fly. Plus, and I'm sure I've said this before somewhere, think of all the wons!

Japan

Over Christmas, I hopped across the East Sea to Japan. Japan is good.

Mt Fuji there. Not as close to Tokyo as cartoons would have you believe.

We never left Tokyo, and in a sense it was was obviously quite similar to Seoul, but here's the difference: everywhere you went, things were just a bit more exciting. Crazier, in a good way. And more expensive. Freaking expensive.

Before I applied for this job I had an interview for a position in Japan. Didn't get it. The interview was a farce. Anyway, the monthly wage I was quoted was however many yen 1000 English pounds buys you. I spent half that in four days in Tokyo. OK, I was on holiday and was using that as an excuse for some exorbitance, but it still makes you think how I'd have lived on that wage. I get the equivalent of the yen wage I was offered in won here in Seoul, which allows me to live like a king - and still I've bought a laptop and had two holidays in the last six months. I'm going start saving money this year.

First night in Japan was strange. We'd booked one night's accommodation in a hostel in Asakusabashi, which is nothing like Tokyo should be. It was suburban. There were no lights, few people, not much going on. Bars were non-existant. The next day, which was Christmas, we went elsewhere.

Shinjuku, actually. Shinjuku is much more like the Tokyo you see on TV and futuristic anime. Lights, people, pornography: everywhere. Christmas lunch, incidentally, was fish and chips, and, later, a salmon pizza. Neither were pleasant. Aside from the food aspect, it didn't feel especially like Christmas. Sure there were Japanese dressed up like Annual Gift Man and, y'know, some tinsel here and there, but it was 18 degrees, and I went to an arcade. Plus, people were taking the decorations down at 9pm.

Christmas Lunch

Then we spent another night at a hostel followed by a night in a place called Kimi Raikkonen. I mean Kimi Ryokan. Both were in Ikebukuro, which was good, too. Cut a long story short, I'm going back one day. When I have shitloads of money.

As promised, I'm going to give the blog some much needed photography.

Rainbow Bridge

We got on something like DLR to get to here. Nicer than London Docks.

The view from halfway up Tokyo Tower, which, incidentally, is the same as the Eiffel Tower, just a bit bigger and red.

Shibuya Crossing, the busiest pedestrian crossing in the world or something. You've probably seen it on Lost in Translation.

Day 1: I slept in a pine coffin.

Tokyo Tower. Told you it was just like the Eiffel Tower and red.

Condomania. It sold phophylactics and other phallus-oriented stuff. This was in a mall, in the same building as a two kids' theme parks. Oh, Japan.

Korean Television

Two posts tonight. I'm in a blog mood. 

I have cable TV: 86 channels of movies, sports, other stuff and game shows. Lots of game shows. Actually, about 78 of the 86 channels air game shows.

I think they're game shows. Really, who knows?

Here's a snapshot of what's on on a weeknight . I really have no idea what I'm watching for the most part. If anyone reading this wants to point out any glaring inaccuracies, please feel free.

Channel 3 - Korean tourists in Japan, looks a bit like Wish You Were Here. They're looking at koi carp and posing for photographs with a bronze bust of man near a ship. Just what I plan to do next week.

Channel 7 - Shopping channel. Disappointly they're only flogging rice cookers tonight. Last week they were promoting something you eat that causes some kind of biblical enema, at least that what I gathered from the computer simulation of someone's intestines.

Channel 8 - Soap opera. These are always worth a watch for the often bafflingly amusing scenes that crop up. Currently there's an old dude staring dejectedly at a pharmacy. Not so good tonight.

Channel 10 - Ajuma Idol (?)

Channel 14 - Game show...? A woman appears to be making herself cry for the entertainment of a studio audience. What? To achieve this she's twisting the hairs on her temples? OK, now she's snapping chopsticks with her buttocks and picking up a fat man like a baby. I'm flicking channels.

Channel 18 - Super Action. Often shows watchable movies. Steven Seagal's Exit Wounds tonight though. Ow.

Channel 19 - What? Piers Morgan! Euugh, that was unexpected. It appears to be the Royal Variety Show. How odd. Off.

Channel 25 - Discovery Channel. Wait, it gets worse. Bear Fucking Grylls. I don't want to get started on him. He deserves his own post. His own blog.

Channels 34-37 are sports. One is showing a collection of own goals from English football from the last thirty years, another has international billiards. This stuff's hypnotic.

Channel 38 - Game show (?). This show appears to be on every day. All day every day. On multiple channels. It consists of perhaps five main guys, one of whom has peroxide blonde hair and is therefore instantly recognisable on this and countless other shows, performing arbitrary tasks. Tonight they're in a field, at night, taking hats, scarves gloves and boots from a box and putting them on. A man resembling a Korean Jesus is photgraphing them. What I can never fathom is how there's never a winner (though there's occasionally a loser). Watching it makes my head hurt because it's so confusing. Oh, now I think they're homeless men. Next.

Channel 42 - Man in a bakery, buying a cake.

Channel 43 - Monk, with a blackboard, doing maths.

Channel 51 - People playing computer games on TV. Like Gamesmaster with Patrick Moore, but a whole channel. Now it's the Sudden Attack master league.

Channel 63 - Golf channel. Golf, 24-7. Predominantly women's golf.

Finally, channel 86. This is a black screen with a white graph on it, labelled Cable TV Analyser, showing the MHz and the dBnV, whatever those are, along with the time, date and various other useless pieces of information. This is more hypnotic than the billiards.

Christmas in Korea

Just like back home, the buildings of Seoul are illuminated with gaudy plastic and colourful flashing lights. But, well, it's always like that. 

Christmas has crept up on me relatively unheraldedly. Nothing happened until December, which makes perfect sense, and since then I've been subjected to a few Christmas songs (but no Wizzard) and some tinsel but that's largely the extent of it. The churches are the only places to put any effort in in terms of decorations. I'm not one to shun the concept of Christmas - though I can see where Ebeneezer's coming from I really enjoy the food and the couple of days off work - it's nice though not have it rammed in your face.

At school however, you'd be forgiven for thinking Christmas had been cancelled. (It literally has been for the teachers: the annual Christmas meal we'd been told about has been shelved.) The place is currently undergoing extensive renovation meaning the thick carpet of dust on everything is the only vaguely festive thing on show. It's festive because it looks like snow. I suppose I wasn't expecting much but when you mention Christmas to the kids they do seem genuinely excited, and it's a shame not to share in their childish mirth. Especially when however many thousands of wons were spent on the Halloween decorations. 

There are Christmas activities tomorrow but I've inexplicably been left out of the fun, I'm just teaching normal lessons. To compensate I'm bringing "presents" for my homeroom class and sweets for everyone else. Presents is in inverted commas because they're pretty shit: I just went to Lotte Mart and spent W12000/six quid* on seven stocking fillers. But my children are easily impressed. One of the presents is a set of castanets. 

Hmm.

*July exchange rates. I'm not mentally strong enough to check what the pound is worth at the moment.

It started snowing earlier too. I could've experienced my first white Christmas had I not been leaving the country on Christmas eve. Can't envasage much snow falling in Tokyo either. According to the internet it was 17 degrees there today. I'm taking my shorts.

"Teacher, so... do some people love dead people?"

A question posed to me by Kelvin last week, Kelvin from my smart afternoon class.

My Friday class is currently all about strange creatures - the Loch Ness monster, Bigfoot, giant squids.. 'Bat Boy' - and last week we'd digressed onto the subject of zombies (or 'jombies'), which led to the electronic dictionaries being taken out. As I was explaining the concept of being undead, Jenny looked up the Korean word for corpse and showed Kelvin. A few seconds later a combination of amusement and horror passed over his face as he scrolled down a couple of entries in the list to the Korean word for, erm, necrophilia. It had a short description and everything.

Now how do you respond to that one? It's uncomfortable enough to explain away a question about sex.. normal, living people sex.. but there's no way to get around cadaver love.

OK. Next page, come on. First one to finish gets twenty stickers. Just don't ask me any more questions.

Not much to report

A day after last month's payday, I bought a new laptop, a holiday to Japan and a curry. I was consequently constrained by a tight budget which prevented me from doing all that much. Fortunately, I was able procure all five seasons of TV show The Wire, thus satiating my lust for entertainment without the need to leave my apartment. Sixty hours of my my life well spent.
I have been outside though - don't assume I've become a hermit - I've just been more localised. I've discovered chicken hofs. Chicken hofs are great. They sell fried chicken, and they sell beer, that's mostly it. I think. They may sell more, but the menu is all in Korean, and I can read what chicken is because it's the same as English. The one we frequent regularly is the immodestly named Best Chicken Hof, but there's as many, if not more than there are Noraebangs and English schools within a literal stone's throw.

This weekend was cold, very, very cold. Minus figures. This is not unremarkable, nor would it usually be much of an inconvenience: I quite like the cold, in fact my last few holidays have been to Nordic countries, and it's finally cold enough for me to break out my favourite sweater. However when the coldest day of the year coincides with the inexplicable disappearance of running hot water and heating, it gets a bit annoyong. It wasn't just that the water didn't get hot, there was no hot water. When you turned on the hot tap, nothing, literally, came out. Then, after the ouside had warmed up and everything, it came back. If this is going to happen whenever it drops below zero I'm going to have to complain. I mean, tell someone who speaks Korean to complain for me. Still don't have heating.

And it's not only the temperature that's been dropping: so are our numbers at ECC. The kids are dropping like flies, not through illness - not even through overwork which is commendable - just disappearing... to other schools, to concentrate on their elementary school exams, I don't know. The reasons are often unforthcoming and always vague. The kids themselves tell you nothing - they just cease to turn up one day, and after a couple of days of absence you have to go to your Korean partner teacher to enquire as to their whereabouts. Three afternoons a week in November I taught a class of 12 followed by a class of 8. These have now been respectively decimated to 6 and 4. In the first class I lost a lot of good guys, but I can't say I'm in any way concerned about the removal of half the second class. They were shit.

Right now I'm counting the days until the Japan trip, which will finally provide a reason to put some photos up on here. So apologies for all these lines and lines of letters. As it happens I'm meandering along quite nicely. My life is constructed with healthily equal amounts of optimism and pessimism, love and hate. You'll be aware if you know me that I'm very much the misanthrope and there's ample cause for, and opportunity for release of, those sentiments here, but its more than balanced with all the good things. Work isn't that taxing, I still have my grotesquely long lunches which, coupled with the well-structured blocks of between seven and nine 40-minute lessons a day, ensure that the days and the weeks flow with disarming haste. I was asked today what my plans were for next July. My reply was that it's seven months away and yeah, y'know, it'll work out.

But really, I should start weighing stuff up.

Promotion Day

Yesterday was the school's annual promotion day, and for our manager, the most stressful day of the year. For us, it was just a minor inconvienence that we had to go to work on a Saturday and give a minute-long speech about something to do with the curriculum.

Parents of potential new students were invited to see what ECC is all about, meet the teachers, see the classrooms, learn what books we use and so on, in the hope that they'd open their wallets. The majority of the school's money comes from this day so the manager was keen to make us seem as good as the other schools in the area (because from what I gather, other schools have a better reputation.. damn you to hell, Poly.)

We didn't see many of the potential new kinder recruits, but there were a few there: two boys with boundless energy and a propensity to throw things, a girl barely out of nappies who cried every time a foreigner looked at her, and a pretty odd kid who, while playing in her own little world, balanced a rotating assortment of plastic fruit on her head. The parents, the dads especially, all looked a bit bored, and apparently only a few signed up on the day. So we'll see how that goes.

After promotion day we went to a bar we'd not been to before, only a few minutes' walk away, but pretty well disguised. It's called Hey Hey Hey. I'd seen the sign for ages, but was unaware until recently what it actually was. On the sign there's a picture of seventies cartoon character Fat Albert, as in the one voiced by Bill Cosby, remember? I had to look it up. So, yeah. There's a bar in Seoul named after the catchphrase of a long-forgotten black American morbidly obese cartoon character. Interestingly inside the place there's no further reference to Fat Albert.

Open Lessons, Pepero Day

For the last month I've been teaching a 'special' lesson alongside my usual textbooks for two of my classes, at a significantly higher level than what the kids are used to, for the purpose of impressing their watching parents. We practiced every day, to the point that everybody became intensely bored with it and yearned for a return to the normal structure. But the parents don't want to see a standard lesson from the standard text book thereby giving an accurate representation of how their child is performing in school. No. They insist that we place them in battery cages and drill into their mushy heads twice a day the same regurgitated lesson for four long stultifying weeks.

Whatever. With my homeroom Cambridge 1 class we did the polar regions. I had them memorise how to spell Antarctica, where penguins live and who the first man to reach the north pole was, that sort of thing. We did the lesson last Thursday and it was a success, I think. No kids have quit yet, and I've been told that in the past, as a result of a substandard open lesson, they have.

Today I taught the prodigies in Harvard class the history of chocolate. They did quite well, considering they had to memorise and incorporate into sentences words like civilisation, conquistador, Xocolatl and Tenochtitlan (they're six). Jenny actually nailed 'Tenochtitlan' but came unstuck on the word 'milk'...

It was also unintentionally prescient of me to choose the history of chocolate as my open lesson, as today in Korea, it is Pepero Day. Although alliteratively connected, Peperos have nothing to do with poppies, and the celebrations are about as far removed from two minute silences as you're going to get. Peperos are biscuit sticks coated in chocolate, made by the Lotte conglomeration, given to "the special person in your life" on this day every year. Lotte thought up this celebratory day a few years ago, plumping for this date as written numerically it's 11/11, which, obviously, resembles four peperos. They're pretty basic to be honest, with little in the way of taste, but the kids can't get enough. And I, being their beloved teacher, have been showered with them. This flash video will explain nothing but click it anyway for further proof that Asia is just insane.


Remember: Dulce et decorum est... Pepero...